"So how's New York?"
I smile, weak from exhaustion..."Amazing. Tiring. Challenging...Real."
I don't know if I could quite put into words what has transpired over the last two months of my life. I'll try to do it in a few sentences..In Los Angeles, I was on the precipice of new relationships, connection, and creative spark...but still somehow was able to hear a call to change. Real change, and honest growth...and only the Universe knows how New York came to be the place for this change.. (I guess I can also credit it to little Jasmine who has dreamed of the city even long before the 'Rent' days in High School), but one day I am teaching in Nashville, Tennessee, and a student comes in and talks to me about how she is a musical theater actress visiting from New York, and I am brought to life in a way that talking about this passion of mine for musical theater always brings. I gush with excitement, and ask her questions about her life. We get into a whirlwind of a conversation, going back and forth about things we love...the conversation closes with, "Just move. I'm telling you...it's an amazing time to be a woman of color there." Two days later, I find someone to take over my apartment, I tell my family that night...and after a hundred teary goodbyes, hours of reflection, a lots of planning.. a month and a half later.. I am living in Brooklyn.
I'm starting this blog to yes, keep my family and friends updated. My heart misses them so...and I mourn our physical time together. But I happily and eagerly take responsibility for staying connected and offering humble insight into my life. However, another reason lives side by side with this, and maybe it's selfish: Processing and expressing. A move across the country obviously evokes some questioning.. "Why was I so ready to go?", "Why did I even start dancing in the first place?", "What do I really think of myself?", or even, after 8 years of being completely engulfed in the dance scene, "What hobbies do I EVEN have?" Some of these answers have been eye-opening...some obvious...some answers haven't come, and I'm not sure they will completely.
Sure, like many of us, I have exciting, thrilling, and really sexy dreams ahead, which I take a crack at every day...but on the other hand, this time has made me more honest with myself than ever before. I've had to face some things: self-destructive habits I've acquired in young adult life, the confirmation that I do struggle with depression and anxiety, bittersweet clarity in seeing the part I played in a toxic relationship, dealing with a heartbreak that gave me the keys to change my life (that a part of me still tries to run away from), and uncovering deep fears of being truly seen, even as a seemingly vulnerable artist...and more.
Another reason for starting this blog (and to bring it back to a lighter note! Haha) even before music and dance, writing was my first first love. When I was eight I wrote a story about miniature people named Dumdongs, the heroine's name was Lemon and her and her tribe were on a mission to save her trapped brother Mocha from the House of the Humans. LOL. So this is is going to be really fun outlet for me. I'm having fun writing this right now!
Who knows what will come out...maybe one day it'll be a tad heavy, but some days it'll be cheery and buoyant! I promise that I will always strive to be honest, and help point us all towards my guiding lights: love, hope, and joy...oh, and courage.
So hey beautiful human, you're more than welcome to join me. Thanks for reading!
Love Above All,